"Who in their right mind wouldn't want to read a book by Mark Barry!" (Mary Quallo, St Louis)

"Who in their right mind wouldn't want to read a book by Mark Barry!"  (Mary Quallo, St Louis)
Coming next week - Carla Eatherington

Friday, 24 August 2012


Hiya Wizardwatchers.

Phew. It's calmed down, hasn't it.

Been manic! Those two Monsters Of Like events. I must have spent twenty hours this week swapping likes and that. GWP and the PIGLETS page have improved their visibility five times over.

I'd like to thank everyone who has Liked both pages.

(I am the lead singer of a metal band. I am at the front of the stage and the concert is at an end. My hands are raised to the skies and I am shouting to the multitude in exultation; 

"I Love You All"

A bit like Rob Halford of speed metal originalists Judas Priest used to do.

And Ozzy. *sigh*.

Now. My GWP and Piglet pages are designed for business.

Send me anything you want. Cakes. Photos. The formula for turning base metal into Gold. Racing tips. A selection for my August Royalty Cheque bet. Recipes to enliven my nightly Kebab.

And yes, your fantastic five star book reviews. I love them and I am so proud of you. You are great writers and the world is your lobster. My life is enriched by your work. Thank you.

Oh. Just one thing: Can you please stop sending pictures of half naked handsome men - its bringing out my gay side!

Just saying: Thanks.

However, Wiz Green.

My personal Facebook Account.

The one I used for goofing around, crap witticisms, food photos, Mum tales, weird weather reports, metal videos.

Wiz Green's Uncle Igor.
Expert Cauldron Smelter from Odessa.

So on Monday and Tuesday, in addition to the Likes, I friended a few people who looked amusing, interesting and game for a laugh. I thought I might expand my Personal Network, get a few fun jokes and a few natters about the world we live in. I was so looking forward to it.

Instead of this El Dorado of communication, what I primarily received was Spam.


You might throw your hands up in the air and go, "but Wiz, Wiz, sending you information about my book/publishing company/printing press isn't SPAM! Perish the thought! It's networking!!" and I would understand.

Page to page, business to business, yes.

Page to Wiz Green?

Business to Wiz Green?

Spam Sandwich with mayo, mustard, ketchup, dill pickle and coleslaw.

Let me explain something.

In Wizardworld. sending information about your book is not networking. It's not getting to know people. It isn't spreading the love.

It's fucking irritating.

That's what it is.

My feed is clogged with Spam about books I am never going to read in a million years, like an old kitchen sink with no waste disposal after being assaulted by a naughty teenager sneakily draining the engine oil from his funky moped into the drain.

I'll never do it to you. I couldn't give two monkeys whether another author EVER bought one of my books, but I'd be gutted if you didn't want to talk to me.

Exception being if you're the world's greatest writer. Then I want to know you and your work.

I love good writing with a passion which makes me cry like a baby. After reading a top book, I can weep like a big weeping thing after watching "27 Dresses*" while nibbling Valium tablets.

Can you write like this?

This is from Martin Booth's "A Very Private Gentleman". It is by far the best novel I've read this year. It is deeply, deeply flawed and occasionally messy, but the prose inside is dripping in glory. I could hear angels sing. There were times I stopped reading and stared in wonder at the paragraph I had just read. Here's an example.

Top book

"Hell is to be without love. To be without hope. Hell is to be alone in a place where time never ends, the clock never stops ticking but the hands never move. Do you know the writing of Antonio Machado?" He wets his lips with with the armagnac. "Hell is the blood souring palace of time, in whose most profound ring the Devil himself is waiting, winding a Promethean watch in his hand..."

Four lines of great beauty making up a sublime patina, a magnificent whole.

If you can write like that, I don't mind your Spam. Forget this blog post and carry on.

In fact, I think I love you in advance.

Controversial interspecies Avengers love affair between
robot The Vision and  raven haired mutant hotty, The Scarlet Witch.
Heady stuff for a ten year old.

However, on my Wiz Green account, which is a personal account, a fun account, I won't read anything you put on there which is Pimping or Spamming unless you are a personal friend/we have spoken.

If there was a forthcoming desert island choice between eating a foot long milky coloured ten legged beetle, which weeps stinking yellow pus from its mandibled jaws, and reading your book, the beetle is already dinner mofo and no mistake.

But that doesn't mean I don't like you. We'll probably really get on. I do with most people and I've never read any of their books.

Just saying, like.
Anyway, enough about me. Tomorrow, Wiz has the wonderful Monique Rockcliffe from Johannesburg coming along to talk about her life and works.

She talks to me on occasion so she can spam my feed as much as she likes and I won't bat an eyelid, peeps. That's networking!!

Big kiss and cuddles. Wiz.xx

Utterly gratuitous photo of  Katherine"27 Dresses" Heigl
in swimwear. Hotter than Satan's bottom after a Chicken Tikka Phall 


  1. Hi Wiz you're bloggin'hot, just as well you love spam in your sarny! Glad to hear you're kickin' your heels up and dancing the light fantastic. take care :) n x

  2. Thanks Ladies!! Glad you're enjoying the wackiness. Ten days, n and you're on the Wizphone yourself :-) Can't wait. Wiz.


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