"Who in their right mind wouldn't want to read a book by Mark Barry!" (Mary Quallo, St Louis)

"Who in their right mind wouldn't want to read a book by Mark Barry!"  (Mary Quallo, St Louis)
Coming next week - Carla Eatherington

Thursday, 28 June 2012

A Sad Goodbye

Dear Kelly and Seth,

Thanks for having me down at your home. It's been fantastic fun and I shall miss you both until I come down again.

Hopefully next time, I'll have sold a lot more books and we'll go for dinner. We'll take the delightful Cup Cake too. Looks like she could do with a bit of cheering up and I know she's partial to a hot ruby. As we all are.

We've managed to avoid the freak megastorms assailing the north and midlands. I've got a weird sunburn and my head is sore for some reason. I cannot believe that's just down to the running. It's been so hot down here, the sunlight must have come through the roof.

The discussions about Fifty Shades have made me roll. The last craze I remember like this is Robson and Jerome. Remember those? At least H this afternoon admitted what we all know; that's it's just a load of criminally written shag stimulation for women.

Blokes have been reading this stuff for years and getting slagged of for it: Now women read this on the bus without embarrassment. 2012, huh.

Just a note. If EL James is reading this, third person present tense is the most boring form of writing known to humanity.

Honestly, it is.

There's no context.  No sense of narrative or culture. No sense of story. No sense of place.

Please, when you write your next ten million seller, can you write it properly? Then I can read further than half a page without wanting to hang myself due to a rapidly descending sense of hopelessness.

Still, as you both said, the men of the country must be rubbing their hands!! And their...well, you know.

I've managed to get some work done on TIW. UV is nearly in paperback. I've done some promotion.

You've let me have a break too: I've loved the endless cans of cider, the endless pots of yoghurt, the endless chocolate biscuits, walking Ted, interacting with your fantastic young man, the endless runs along the Estuary, the funny BT-kid laptop work table, our conversations on the patio - horror films, horror books, the merits of non competitive participative sport - our shopping trips to the High Street, (how lucky were we, Seth!), the tube slide at the pool, the cup cakes with Cup Cake and friends, her two role model kids, the Mediterranean weather, your quite incredible knowledge of cars, Kelly, the fact that everyone - I mean, everyone - has been friendly with me wherever I've been and finally, I've loved the Attic I have taken over and my typically complete Kent sleeps.

Most of all, I've loved your humour and easy companionship. It's been a great week. I can't wait to come down again, if you'll have me.

Thank you.



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